Running to the temple

So today was a really frustrating day. One of those days where the littlest things can grate on your nerves. Finally by about nine O clock i was sick of it, and i needed to burn off some negative energy. So i decided to go for a run. I didn't want to go on my usual route. I instead ran to the provo temple. If you're familiar with it, it's up a pretty big hill, so the run up was fairly difficult. I had my ipod on shuffle, and i had heard songs by christ brown, haste the day, John Cougar mellencamp among others. As i got close to the temple, i cut across the mtc field, and when i got to the other side my ipod was shuffling to the next song. I thought about taking my headphones off in reverence to the grounds, but the notes that began to play as i entered the property were those of the hymn "be still my soul". I was humbled in that moment. The moonlight illuminated the cliffs of the mountains behind it, an appropriate and dramatic background for such a beautiful building. As the words of the song rang between my ears i thought on how the lord had used even that little instrument as a tool to show his love for me. All the stress of the day melted off of me, and i felt light. The run back was peaceful. I took my ipod off of shuffle, and i continued listening to the lds hymns of praise cd. It was a simple but for me profound experience. I'm so grateful for God, and everything he offers me, but tonight in particular i give thanks for temples, and the sacred hymns.

quirks. . . .

Quirk 1-
I've spent 10 years wanting to stop biting my nails, but i've yet to succeed.
Quirk 2-
My acute fear of failure and/or regret holds me back from doing and saying lots of things.
Quirk 3-
I really miss disney channel. Not the stuff that's on today, it's annoying. But i miss Even stevens, and all the shows in that era. maybe my real confession is that i was
in love with ren from that show. and i'll take it further and when i was younger i wished i
could be a freeskater like "brink" and be married to zenon girl of the twenty first
century.
Quirk 4-
I sometimes worry that I would never have gotten to know some people with out having
Played guitar.
Quirk 5-
If my impulsive spontaneous side gets covered up or stifled, it will spontaneously
combust, and i'll do something like move to provo.
Quirk 6-
I want to live in new york for a while. But ultimately i want a country house, on a lot of property, with horses and my family.

Who am I? i am B.Y.U football

So As many of you know... this is a very important week in the lives of many. On saturday november twenty-second Some thing happens that influences the rest of the year, and years to come. Something so big that it causes division and contention among friends, families, and an entire state. It's time for war to break out again. A holy war. A Blue vs. Red battle that has the nation watching. In the light of this important event i have been doing some reflection on my own relationship with Brigham young university football and what it means to me in my life. So i wanted to share a little with you, of why it means so much to me.

My love affair with the cougars began 21 years ago. I attend my first game with my dad when i was two weeks old. (fourteen days). In my fathers recounting of the experience "you screamed the entire time". Some might say that those screams were to be expected of a child of my age, but those who know me best know that if you were to have that language i spoke translated that you would find me rooting for the team that i had bonded with so easily. Growing up we had season tickets at the stadium. My grandpa had donated money to the school, and so we had fifty yard line seats about twenty rows up. You couldn't ask for a better view. Not only was it just right for analyzing every play on the field, but you looked right up into the beautiful mountains of provo utah, and most importantly the brilliant white "Y" emblazoned on the side them. If B.Y.U happened to be routing their opponent, and i grew weary of quarterback steve sarkisian throwing touchdown after touchdown, i could idle my time away gazing up the canyon, and pride rock. I never minded that they didn't sell caffeinated beverages. Sitting in those seats on those fall afternoons i couldn't think of anything that would taste better than a sprite anyways. In that time my family built great relationships with our neighboring ticket holders. Every year we came back and they would ask if my mom was pregnant again. (which she probably was) and there was the fudge lady that would bring fudge to the games, and would always yell at my dad and i because we got too rowdy. One time she was crying when she yelled at my dad because he had criticized our own quarterback. I'm sure that he felt momentarily shamed, but as covey resumed play on the next drive, i'm sure my dad resumed his necessary rebuke of that scam of a player. I loved those games so much that i never even minded that my dad would sit on my left, and my two uncles on my right because i was always reserved the broken chair that was bent downwards and wouldn't shut right. Poor chair fell victim to a game years ago in which my dad quite enthusiastically jumped on it and it broke. in my next blog.... some memorable games.

I just wanted to post this and have it noted that there is something very wrong with this picture.... a very integral part is missing....

where... is.... jor- DAN?

lost in "Moan-tan-uh". will he make it home alive? will he make it home? is he... alive? am i alive? am i home? is my home alive? where's montana? is montana alive? is it home?

sorry. just one of those moments.

meandering thoughts.

I have spent my days in meditation,
a certain form of recreation,
my minds tuned into the station...
that produces melancholy tunes.

i go and find a place to hide,
to swim in my conflicted mind,
try and find some peace inside...
why won't my thoughts just juxtapose.

there is no hope for linear thinking,
i can't help my focus sinking,
can't find sensible ways of linking,
a thousand untied knots.

trying to maintain my composure,
trying to find a little closure,
i'll keep looking thats for sure...
that time when it all makes sense.

The Psalm Of Nephi

2 nephi 4:16-35

This is such beautiful writing! Everytime i read this i begin sincere introspection. I always feel that the questions that he is putting to himself, and also to his maker are so applicable to my own life. I feel the gratitude that he expresses in verses 20, 21, and 22. I understand his shame and panged recognition of guilt in 19 and 20. And in 27, 28, and 29 he declares new resolve to move forward from that moment more faithful and diligent, then after the emotion of the moment has passed he realizes that he'll need the lords help, and pleads for it. This is one of those passages that makes the Book of Mormon so real to me. For me these words are a naked insight into a man's soul. A man who lived thousands of years ago, but struggled with the same human emotions and struggles as me. I'm so grateful for this, and it influences me so much that i decided i'm going to memorize it. So i figured i'd share it with anyone who stopped by my blog :)





16 Behold, my soul delighteth in the things of the Lord; and my heart pondereth continually upon the things which I have seen and heard.

17 Nevertheless, notwithstanding the great goodness of the Lord, in showing me his great and marvelous works, my heart exclaimeth: O wretched man that I am! Yea, my heart sorroweth because of my flesh; my soul grieveth because of mine iniquities.

18 I am encompassed about, because of the temptations and the sins which do so easily beset me.

19 And when I desire to rejoice, my heart groaneth because of my sins; nevertheless, I know in whom I have trusted.

20 My God hath been my support; he hath led me through mine afflictions in the wilderness; and he hath preserved me upon the waters of the great deep.

21 He hath filled me with his love, even unto the consuming of my flesh.

22 He hath confounded mine enemies, unto the causing of them to quake before me.

23 Behold, he hath heard my cry by day, and he hath given me knowledge by visions in the night-time.

24 And by day have I waxed bold in mighty prayer before him; yea, my voice have I sent up on high; and angels came down and ministered unto me.

25 And upon the wings of his Spirit hath my body been carried away upon exceedingly high mountains. And mine eyes have beheld great things, yea, even too great for man; therefore I was bidden that I should not write them.

26 O then, if I have seen so great things, if the Lord in his condescension unto the children of men hath visited men in so much mercy, why should my heart weep and my soul linger in the valley of sorrow, and my flesh waste away, and my strength slacken, because of mine afflictions?

27 And why should I yield to sin, because of my flesh? Yea, why should I give way to temptations, that the evil one have place in my heart to destroy my peace and afflict my soul? Why am I angry because of mine enemy?

28 Awake, my soul! No longer droop in sin. Rejoice, O my heart, and give place no more for the enemy of my soul.

29 Do not anger again because of mine enemies. Do not slacken my strength because of mine afflictions.

30 Rejoice, O my heart, and cry unto the Lord, and say: O Lord, I will praise thee forever; yea, my soul will rejoice in thee, my God, and the rock of my salvation.

31 O Lord, wilt thou redeem my soul? Wilt thou deliver me out of the hands of mine enemies? Wilt thou make me that I may shake at the appearance of sin?

32 May the gates of hell be shut continually before me, because that my heart is broken and my spirit is contrite! O Lord, wilt thou not shut the gates of thy righteousness before me, that I may walk in the path of the low valley, that I may be strict in the plain road!

33 O Lord, wilt thou encircle me around in the robe of thy righteousness! O Lord, wilt thou make a way for mine escape before mine enemies! Wilt thou make my path straight before me! Wilt thou not place a stumbling block in my way—but that thou wouldst clear my way before me, and hedge not up my way, but the ways of mine enemy.

34 O Lord, I have trusted in thee, and I will trust in thee forever. I will not put my trust in the arm of flesh; for I know that cursed is he that putteth his trust in the arm of flesh. Yea, cursed is he that putteth his trust in man or maketh flesh his arm.

35 Yea, I know that God will give liberally to him that asketh. Yea, my God will give me, if I ask not amiss; therefore I will lift up my voice unto thee; yea, I will cry unto thee, my God, the rock of my righteousness. Behold, my voice shall forever ascend up unto thee, my rock and mine everlasting God. Amen

conquering regret

regret is one of my greatest fears. I was haunted with it growing up, and on my mission i began not only to understand how to avoid it, but also how to deal with it a little. It's an ongoing process for sure. In the 6 weeks since i have been home i have already accumulated a reasonable amount of regret, but having read the church's counsel to not let it over whelm you, i looked to some of the bright minds of the world for a little feedback. These were some of my favorites, and i wanted to share.

Never regret. If it's good, it's wonderful. If it's bad, it's experience.

-Victoria Holt

Accept the pain, cherish the joys, resolve the regrets; then can come the best of benedictions - 'If I had my life to live over, I'd do it all the same.'

Joan McIntosh

Success is meaningless if you can't sleep at night because of harsh things said, petty secrets sharpened against hard and stony regret, just waiting to be plunged into the soft underbelly of a 'friendship.'

Margaret Cho,

Never regret something that once made you smile.

Amber Deckers,

Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable.

Sidney J. Harris

Make it a rule of life never to regret and never to look back. Regret is an appalling waste of energy; you can't build on it; it's only for wallowing in.

Katherine Mansfield

Never regret yesterday. Life is in you today, and you make your tomorrow.

L. Ron Hubbard

When one door closes another door opens; but we often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door, that we do not see the ones which open for us.

Alexander Graham Bell

The man who insists upon seeing with perfect clearness before he decides, never decides. Accept life, and you must accept regret.

Henri-Frédéric Amiel (1856)